Every day we have opportunities to learn different lessons.
Some lessons are more difficult than others, and some days have more difficult lessons than others. I have struggled on some days because I couldn’t reach into the part of me that is needed in order to learn the day’s lesson.
This hurts. It can feel like I am drowning, unable to breathe. I feel tense, on edge. My stomach hurts. I cannot eat. It feels very much like I am grieving. I want to crawl into a hole and not have to be seen or behave.
But I found a way to do this.
I tell myself, there is a lesson in there somewhere, and I look for that lesson.
Sometimes it takes a while, and I often have to find some quiet, to be still, in order to go to the place where I can refocus.
Once I do that however, I stop focusing on the tension, and slowly my body relaxes. It can take a few minutes, or some days, but always, I begin to relax.
And then I begin to get in touch with me.
I can reach into my values and remember who I am, and why I make the choices that I do, why I fight for what I fight for. Why I laugh, and why I love. Where I am going, and why.
And then I can find the lesson, and begin to learn it.
There are lessons about pride and how it comes before a fall.
There are lessons about undone homework, and laziness.
There are lessons about not believing in myself, or being too confident.
And there are lessons about not trusting enough, or too much.
There are lessons about not speaking up, or speaking too much.
There are lessons about wanting to do it all.
Lessons about taking a chance, or making a choice. Facing the fear.
There are all sorts of lessons.
I feel foolish sometimes, when it becomes obvious what the lesson is, because I ought to have known.
But I guess if I always knew what the lesson was before its time, life would be too easy, and I might begin thinking I was perfect, which I know I am not.
So on difficult days I tell myself there is no lesson I cannot learn, and then take a step back to allow it reveal itself.
And I reach out to my maker and find that I am at peace, because no load is ever too big or too heavy for the way he has created me.
Then I embark on the journey that will make me better, stronger.
Until the next lesson.